life is a journey, not a destination..

Our Existence

2006-11-12T03:01:00.000-08:00

haha..seems lik i very boh liao..during my CoS duty v sian,den took alot of time to tink abt many many stuff..

for instance tt day when we're outfield,one of my fellow specs asked me the qn:"have u ever wondered why mosquitos even exist..they dun contribute in anyway n they make hell lot of a nuisance.."
hm..n tt sparked off a chain of tots...

casestudy 1:
i used to hate the birds in my cookhouse..nothing to do then sit on our seats..but then..today..when i was having my prata,lots of irritating flies were lik banging themselves against the lamps n the tables makig a hell lot of noise..n here comes the hero...the birds! they hop here hop there..in the end,no more flies! yey! :)

casestudy2:
there r all kinds of ppl..fat,thin,handsome pretty..if i din rmb wrongly,the sajc duno wad festival,which mx pulled my class guys to go..then there's this highlight of the carnival where these super duper tall guys from israel were being paraded around the sch..not tt these kinda tings neh happen before..lik how we guys lik to ogle at girls walking around..but den the idea of inviting them to be a exhibit..hm..

what am i doing here? what's my purpose? can i contribute in anyway? haiz..too many too many tings to tink abt..headache..heartache oso..haiz..

is it so hard to juz have someone that cares n msg u occasionally when they tink of u..is it juz so hard.. :(

普通朋友

2006-10-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

等待
我随时随地在等待
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问
这是爱
我猜
你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊
多无奈
我愿意改变(what can i do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me change)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手
但你说
i only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在
你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
so i
我不能只是be your friend
i just can't be your friend
我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友...

TaiWan!

2006-09-08T05:10:00.000-07:00

heyhey! its been a long time again since i last blogged..Looking back,the past 14weeks have passed really really fast..and now,its time for me to go taiwan le..When i return,i'll be passing out the same week as a 3rd sgt..

seriously i'm not sure whether i'm capable or i'm knowledgable enough to take care of the lives of 6men below me..from the past experience of me taking up leadership roles..i din perform at all..in fact i make those beneath me suffer q abit..haiz..

this feeling hit me alot these few days before i'm flying off..its so so near to being a sgt already..which alot of my course mates would want to be desperately as they hate trainee life..maybe because of this,i didn't enjoy myself as i usually did when i went out w my TSG yest..

Neh mind,i shall cast all this feelings aside..since it's a one way street..i shall juz try my bestest bestest to be the bestest bestest commander i can be! be someone that my men respect n assuringly rest their lives in my hand,knowing that i'll ensure their safety and welfare! YES! OOSH!

man,although this is not the first time i'm going overseas,but the feeling of leaving home still q bothers me..missing everything here..went to take a LoOOOoooOoong walk at my central..realised that the breadshop uncle has became so much older le..n a bigger belly liaoz..while mine's becoming smaller! :P the barber shop as usual has no business..then the char kuay teow guy has become more lazy le..last time he'll juz stand beside his wok and immediately respond to any orders..now..tt guy ah..i tell him i wan,then he still sit there happily drink his kopi n slowly walk to his wok..ChAo TuRtLe!

my deepest regret for this trip..oh well,has to be the tot of me not being able to spend the day with my most LOVED one on her birthday..That time on valentine's day oso,duno y so suay on weekday..fear not LOVED one,i'll make it up to u when i come back k? ;) and to all those that know who is my LOVED one,do msg her on her birthday with all ur greeting n best wishes..these little thoughts do brighten and make a person's day! hehe..

alrite then,guess i'll stop here..gota do the final preparations before i leave le..do take care everyone,and lets meet when i come back! thanks alot to my TSG again for giving me e last dota game before i leave! hehe..

baoz zhao!

parade!!

2006-07-29T19:31:00.000-07:00

man,was last week a fast week to pass by..as compared to the week before..Last week was a relaxed week consisting of parade rehearsals only..n i do mean ONLY! lik we'll gather in the early hours even before the sun is up, n start rehearsal already..and we'll do it over n over n over again until its lunch..n we'll carry on after that till dinner..n my feet,ankles n knees are hurting from it..My section-mate commented that i was being to "hard" on myself..literally..like really banging my feet hard for every baris sedia..calculating in this way..by the time i'm 30 ah.i'll need some walking aid.. O_o

oh yes,for the first time,i was contingent commander! get to stand in front of my whole course! It's a scary experience..like you feel so naked..any slight mistakes n twitches of any muscles that you're not suppose to move will be deemed as obvious by the SUPER-SIGHTED offices!

anyways,am very tired now.,haven't slept much last night..but finally got satisfy bitbit of my desire for bao sao.. :P hehe..k la k la..got to go prepare for marist concert later..

baoz zhao!

NBC!!!

2006-07-15T12:09:00.000-07:00

AHhHHh! Its onli a few hours before its time for the start of the NBc..many competitions we have participated with Tj band,however each one gets more and more fun..not forgetting to mention more and more stressful..

I think i'm most probably under a REED"S CURSE! How Cum Everytime when there's a concert or competition..my reed will so suay suay die the day before the competition sia..SUX SUX SUX!!! REED INSTRUMENT SUX MAN! Next time i'll invent a metal reed so tt my playing is not dependent on the stupid reed..but i do pray hard..together with inez's prayers..hope tt both our reeds will survive n pull through until after our performance tomorrow..

After tomorrow,the following bookouts will be aimless saturdays where we juz sit in front of the tv,switching from channel to channel thinking of what to do..Band is really really a nice place to be..especially when your in TJ band! it rox big time man..N together with the though of wearing our sch uniforms again..wah..SHIOK man..in my army terms..ORGAS BABY! :P

all the best best to tj tomorrow..later i mean..hehe..

mum's now high up in the tibet mountains..wonder how she's doing man..should be very fun up there right..get to see those super duper nice sunrise you only get to see through internet photos live..well..just have to wait till she comes back next week..

BaOz ZhAo!!!

the closing of chapter19..

2006-07-09T00:35:00.001-07:00

well well well, the wars of the past 19yrs have finally ended..only to give way to the beginning of another one..one of adulthood..masculine strong one! :)

happpy birthday to myself! it wasn't at all the kind of birthday one was expecting..The kind that was spent on a monday in camp..with myself waking up even before chickens, doing the usual daily dreadful runs, fingers kana KIAP by my weapon, and attempts by my bunkmates to strip me..but that ended well as it was i that stripped them of their pants! BWHAHAHA!

many many thanks to my loved ones that remembered my birthday.. seriously to me, the best present one can receive is another remembering his birthday and a birthday msg at 0000h.

even more thanks to my loved one who underwent many hardships,time constrains, and being niao to give me the bestest bestest birthday surprise ever! man,damn smart sia..this time even know how to make use of resourses hor..like my family..haha..

next sunday is NBC! We'll be armoured in TJ sch U and blazer..All the hard work we've put in.. Just for the 15mins on stage..Good luck to Us all! Lets hope the tj magic will carry on shining on us! For college,for nation!

baoz zhao!

the closing of chapter19..

2006-07-09T00:35:00.000-07:00

wad a wonderful singapore!

2006-04-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

People always say tt u haf to appreciate tings u haf in front of u b4 they disappear..but how many of us does actually comply with that..

back in the comfort of home(serangoon),
i though if the times in miss my home(serangoon) when i'm at camp..
and in the jungle of mandai marsling and cck,everybody lornes to get back home(camp)..
what a irony.. :S

with lazy blues playing fr my speakers,i've got to thank army for making me appreciate my family,home,girl and friends..

what a wonderful singapore!

life..wad life!

2006-04-15T18:21:00.000-07:00

hello blog!

you duno how much of a luxury it is juz to sit on e sofa in my living room n staring at the empty fish tank..THIS IS GREAT LIFE MAN! :) Life as a sispec warrior..haiz..full of downs..n alot of upslopes and "up ur arse" things..

now i'm enjoying my 3 full day holidays as a civilian.Everything seemed to changed alot le..lik marina sq.MAn,i almost got lost walking around tt place on fri sia..After being trapped in some time capsule in camp for a week/more, den when ur suddenly being released into e civilian world, there r many tings u see and cant explain for.. hm.. :S

once i used to hold my basson dear,now i'm holding my rifle here..
once i used to eat choco bar,now i'm doing e pull up bar..

BMTC

2006-01-27T08:06:00.000-08:00

wow! it does feel very good abling to type my blog on my own HOME com after 1whole year's absence of internet..well,it does feel lik i haf alot to say about my army experiences..bt i'm unable to post them on the blog as a soldier has gotta do wad a soldier gotta do!
do contact me if u do wana noe more about my lastest updates. ;)

ready to be soldiers, fight for our land.
once in our lives, 2years of our time.
have you ever wondered, why muz we serve
because we love our land, and we want it to be FREE to be FREE!

baoz zhao!

my remaining days..

2005-12-30T09:54:00.000-08:00

why does all my titles hafta end w 2dots ah..hm,duno le..hm..

anyways,today's NYJC's concert! although the playing's not absolutely perfect,but me enjoyed it alot alot alot! reali feel comfortable w the ppl there..they dun actually talk to you much,but juz got the feeling that they appreciate ur presence there n they like you playing with them..together with the fact that the place i'm sitting at is packed w fun and onz ppl,that makes playing all the more fun when u can juz swing ur bsn to the beat n you c the whole pack swing tog w u! i like! :)

tink all conductors other than their sharp sense of hearing and musicality,they r v nice n ez ppl to get along with.yest desmond went down to help out with ny band straight after his reservice that day at 5am.He's q magical,through that few 3h,he managed to improve the band q a drastic lot! During qisheng's bassoon solo,he came over to where i was sitting and i managed to chat w him q alot about playing and qisheng's playing.He's a chatty person sia..haha..i lik the way he perceives music.I lik lin sheng's band sound..how good if they can combine forces..then tt will b q ultimate sia.. :)

Should i go SAF band? or should i chiong for OCS? i'm not sure whether i can get into saf band,but i noe the chances of me getting into saf band is much higher than that of goin OCS..but i dunwana live my NS days juz doing something that i've done the last 7yrs of my life..nor i wana get posted to some funny vocation that do SAI KANG day in day out..hm..maybe thats the fun outa army,u nvr noe wad will happen..well,guess i'll juz hafta leave everything to fate ba..who noes i may go into navy like yiwen.hhaha..

to one and all,happy new yr's eve! :)

baoz zhao!

the end..or is it the beginning..

2005-12-27T07:30:00.000-08:00

SWO concert is finally over! What a relief..bt q a regret oso..we played so so much better during the rehearsal than during the concert..was feeling q sianz during the interval..but was sorta entertained by zhiwei n thomas..haha..dun tink anyone can understand wad i'm saying but ya la..haha..

During the rehearsal yest b4 the concert,i was given q nasty remarks n constant glares..maybe yes,my playing is not tt fantastic as wad i'm suppose to be performing..but still there's no need to give me all that rite?i almost so so wanted to explode on stage..no one understands..haiz..anyways its over..juz lik wad mr pei reminded me:" TAKE ALL NASTY REMARKS AS WORDS OF MOTIVATION!"
i'll play better e next time i c e person n i make sure when she hear me,her jaw drop! HMPH! haha..

Xmas day was q a day of celebration and appreciation..me went to a malay wedding earlier in the day.One ah pek from the female side invited my parent to the wedding,n of course us as children get to go n eat their malay wedding buffet n watch whatever there's to watch.We saw the couple sitting on their holy seat n there r malay kids in front performing takeondo equivalent kinda martial arts..it makes me wonder whether tt performance wad to educate the woman what to do if she does get abused by her husband next time..hahah..

e buffet was alrite.tonnes of curry but i onli lik the chicken one.e mutton e duno duno wad curry all taste v funny..There was also a rock band that's super duper noisy..irritated me q abit when i was watching cartoon upstairs earlier.hhaha..but anyways,at one part of their performance,the malay male singer said:"to all our chinese neighbours, the moon represents my heart!"
i was sorta expecting him to sing a malay version of it,at best some eng version.but tt boy sung the chinese version le! n he sounds n sings chinese much much clearer than many of our chinese commanrades..haha..my family achknowledged his chinese by clapping v loudly after his performance. :)

qi sheng is going to play a bsn solo for his ny concert! i'll help him n make sure he plays reli well n confidently on the concert day..although its onli 3day to concert.. :S

to all those that i've may have ignored during my bz time when i was practising with SWO,for eg say yong..yupz..KeeP in touch guys!
i'm no more for college but for nation on jan7th..appreciate me hor..haha.. :P i'll appreciate u guys. :)

baoz zhao!

xmas prez..

2005-12-23T23:14:00.000-08:00

today's episode is about REEDS!
man,i've been trying all sorta ways to get reeds but somehow tings juz seem not to be in my favour..firstly,trevoe left when my reeds died..den jocelyn gave me liu chang's number to get reeds..apparently he's not in singapore too..then sze ai gave me daniel n tee heong's number of which one is in taiwan n e other only make reeds for his own personal use..man..when i'm lik onli 2days to concert n v v desperate for reeds..justin msged me!
i was lik *taDaNg*! steady ah! coz justin's a v steady n sui bian n onz guy juz lik me.. Heh hEh..yupz..i went over to his place n sorta tried e reeds playing some cool songs over @ his place..songz man..guess dis xmas will be a v different from e Lonely xmas i had last year..

merry xmas to one n all!

baoz zhao!

title..

2005-12-19T09:09:00.000-08:00

sigh..baowen never though he ever need to start his new entry with a sigh..but it was all necessary as he has been sighing all day and night..

how does 1 need to do to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend? be truthful with all his heart? what if he kept a little secret from her just in hope that she won't be hurt after listening to the secret? Is that unfaithfulness and untruthfulness?

how does 1 be a good friend? what does one need to do to be able to be a friend with another? Does it always have to be the case that one must possess certain special abilities (for instance money,looks,power) to be able to befriend another..Why does it have to be this way..

Can someone please please teach me how to..

baoz siam..

VrOoOoooOM....

2005-12-15T06:29:00.000-08:00

today's a very absolutely normal day..baoz woke up as usual @ 7 and tahan abit until his mom leaves home and then goes to his sofa and..

mulimuhaha...slp again! haha..get hair cut n follow dad to toyota duno what headquarters n drank alot alot of free drinks there..got tiong bahru baoz! V yummy neh! :)

den mum told us v funny ting during dinner. she said she had a absolutely funny dream.it was abt her crossing the pedestrian crossing @ our place and seeing a burning bus there.she carried on saying alot of ppl checking out the black burnt bodies.i immediately added tt:"so who did u see there?" and i stared @ my sis..haha.. :P very evil..but i like..haha..

baoz zhao!

back..

2005-12-12T04:23:00.000-08:00

yoyo! me finally back after months n months of disappearance..well i like to start of saying to my mr blog w a phrase used in titanic..

unable to stay..unwilling to leave..

finally all e studying days is over..duno whether tt is gd or bad..nw i'm either playing bsn or playing w ppl or playing w myself.. :P

sadly y i'm writing today is coz i literally lost all ability to converse using voice..so sad..been bed ridden e whole of yest n today..onli tt today i got e company of a fighting dvd series lent to me from my 11yr best fren jack.

*cough cough*

brb

a day beyon works and words..

2005-06-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

wow,after almost half a yr away from e net baoz is finally back.. (using my dad's laptop w my telephone line connected at e back of it)

this past half a yr has been one w many ups,and even more downs..seriously,thinking back,i reali grew alot emotionally, spiritually, n definitely physically..as u can see from my weight increase fr 73-85..haha..

tings lik ppl parting..competitions..frens suffering fr relationship probs..myself oso la..n constant pressure fr teachers wanting so much for me to excel n do well in my studies..blah blah..

afterall,i still come one big round n realise that life is all bout being happy..and happy! although sometimes happiness is something that u haf to work v hard in order to attain it la..for instance e every classic STUDY HARD advices.n i can say,i'm nw indeed v happy! :)

today's a happy day 4 me,n someone else 2..hor hor.. :P alot of things happned in between,of course we squeesed sometime to finish her hydro-duno wad n i finished my transport in plants..e day ended off w us eating nice nice cheap cheap durian! song man i tell u! we walked around my serangoon central looking for a place 4 dinner n we saw this durian stall juz outside shop n save.. my eyes n heart immediately glowed..

What we ordered: 3 $1 durians
what we got: 2 $1 durians and 1 3 for $10 durian..
our reaction: super duper happy!
our taste buds: absolutely satisfied

ya lo,likda lo..haha..bt seriously speaking after today,e onli thing tt i've make myself tink of is..

JUNE COMMON TEST!!!! ARGH...

*baoz zhao w a flash of light*

e day is coming..

2005-01-06T21:41:00.000-08:00

man, monday is my final day liao..e bio dignosis test in on monday..monday..confirmed..all i've done is DNA n frens..how? jiat lat.. duno how..but one thing for sure.. i'm gonna make sure i piah piah until i complete everyting..i gotta pass! i haf to!

baoz zhao!

6weeks..

2005-01-04T18:21:00.000-08:00

what will you do if someday ur doc tells u tt ur dignosis w stomach cancer n ur left w 6weeks to live..wad will you do?how will u spend ur time?
will u stay away from ur loved ones tinking tt it will lessen their pain when u leave.. or will u rather choose to make full use of e remaining time left..

yupz,tt's my blockbuster on channel i during the holis.hehe..it was a vv inspiring series for me.rmb then when i watched e show,every episode..yes n i mean every episode, i'll haf my eyes turn red..if u guys haf the chance,try to get hold of the show n watch.it'll teach u to reali appreciate life.

k la k la,my brudder tell me not to write things tt nobody noes so i'll write sth beter.hehe..sch's finally reopened liao.e weekend before sch starts was terribly wet.raining throughtout e whole day,as though the sky was crying for e victims tt suffered because of the sunami crisis.luckily monday started e week w a bright sunny day! :) we're gonna haf juz lectures dis wk.today,e onli lec i haf is during the 1st period.n now,i'm slacking here in com lab.haha..anyways,i'll write more interesting things when i've the mood to. k la..baoz zhao!

band.. my love..

2004-12-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

to all my band frens playing for band fest concert tml, though i'm not able to be there w u guys tml to support u all.. but i'm definitely sure tt u all will do terribly well n put up a gd show. love u all guys forever.. band rox coz we r part of it..

baoz zhao!

when you say nothing at all

2004-12-02T06:55:00.000-08:00

she walked past me..i walked past her.. n we say nothing at all.. yet we had e best conversation of our lives..
me filled w guilt for e past few slacking days,from today onwards gotta chiong chiong full speed liao.met up w mrs tag dis morning n somehow it managed to ignite e fire in me again..
to all my frens tt need to chiong,good luck!

baoz zhao1

Enlightenment

2004-11-24T17:21:00.000-08:00

1. receive spyware programme
2.run programme
3.internet connection totally screwed
4.canot use net anymore
5.play diablo
6.go school everyday
7.secretly go band for tune in
8.remedial w teachers
9.tuition w big neh neh @ mp
10.tired baoz'll be back soon..

Cycles..

2004-11-09T07:22:00.000-08:00

everything bout her revolves juz lik a cycle.. no matter how much u try to take another approach to her.. it'll still get u back to the same spot u started off.. whether u use the soft or hard method.. neither works..

today,my strength is regained as new lightement stuck me.. and a new fierce battle begins again.. w tt new avatar i have and this new skill i learn.. he Shall be defeated.. with victory to sing my song..soon..

lose..

2004-11-07T18:29:00.000-08:00

for many days, i've been fighting with the other.. initially,it seems as though as my strength was much stronger than the other..however as time go by,i realise a tauntful truth..his strength not only doesn't diminish as the days go by,but he gets stronger day by day..n i grow weaker day by day..
soon,i'll fall into his complete control..how..i dunwan tt to happen..i wan to break free..

blank

2004-11-05T20:30:00.000-08:00

coughcough.. sneeze.. haha.. painpain.. wow wow.. happy happy.. sad sad..

pathetic..

2004-11-02T03:27:00.000-08:00

today is day2 of the holis.. n i've spent today worse than the first day.. damn pathetic siah.. roughly read through homeostasis notes only.. absolutely behind schedue.. die die.. got TRIGO and RESPIRATION haven't do yet.. jiat lat man.. sux siah..

seriously,this is absolutely a test for my endurance siah..imagine everyone out playing..n ur the onli one at hm trying to study but nothing can get in cause you're damn sian to the core and that you're constantly being watched..parents' opening your room door once in every half an hour or less to check on you.. the feeling.. kaoz.. is worse worse than last time when i was quarantined.. :S

SIAN SIAN! CANOT LET THIS GO ON ON.. I've gotta get my big butt off my chair and go out somewhere to study. Likda will be better.. maybe at the study area or at macs.. er.. study area better la. less distraction though may have some entertainment once in a while.. hhaha.. alrite! set! ;)

Good news good news, my phone is back online! wahah.. CHEM MO IS BACK! WoHoO.. but i'm actually q disappointed after i turned on my phone.. sighz,, too sensitive i guess.. anwaysy gotta get my ass back into studying liao. zhao!

first day of the holis..

2004-11-01T08:53:00.000-08:00

sighz.. today is the first day of holis.. spent the day terribly.. practically wasted my whole day away.. spent like a million years to finish photosynthesis with the falling asleep and sianess.. played and slept my afternoon away.. sux man!

went to pass my specs to the shop @ serangoon central and get my retarded sim-card for 18bucks.. sian again.. sighz.. i must really break out of this mood and work hard for the rest of the holis.. otherwise i'll just let this last last chance slip through my fingers for the third time again.. no i cant! i must do it! All the sacrifices i made must be worthwhile! I MUST!

last day of sch..

2004-10-29T11:04:00.000-07:00

heyhey! today's the last day of school. got quite a sian feeling but still tried my very best to be attentive for all my lessons. nothing much happened in school la.. but yupz! got my little turttie back home. a nice gift from my MoOoooo.. hehe.. which oso means a life long committment.. quite meaningful gift if i think it along that line.. :P As ususal planned to chiong maths homework last night but ended up ninjaing. So today boh pian got to chiong maths somewhere in the middle of the day and NOT BAD! got chance to go up to the board and display my answers.. sad thing is that i've made a few careless mistakes here and there again.. SIAN DIAO! :(

At night went to my aunt's birthday party, was quite sian diao also le.. like i din speak more than 10sentences likda.. other than, oieh! add more charcoal le.. or.. Eh, i think the chicken is cooked liao. Pathetic right? dear blog, i seriously think i got a big problem communicating with my relatives. No matter how hard i try, i somehow just have nothing in common to talk to them about. poppik, my cousin duh from tj too, whenever i see him in school, can lik YO MAN or lik EH BRUDDER... but immediately when it turns into a family gathering thing, we'll just cold out.. Not to mention my other cousins la.. How come things are likdis? Somehow it triggers me off to think about my communication skills.. actually it sux big time siah.. take for instance last year, the person i know best.. or rather the only person that i know is howard la! Damn sad right? This year quite the same too, its either my brudders in class, or lw gy and my pioneer animals.. kaoz.. how come likdis? Maybe i should open up.. but after that experience i had with XXXX.. i'm q unwilling to do so anymore.. wait kana scolded for asking hows the person is doing.. SIan DiaOz again!

today marks the end of my entertainment for this year liao.. very soon, i'll have to concentrate and piah full speed for my studies liao.. Its my 3rd and FINAL FINAL chance i'm given to prove myself.. After the many times of not appreciating the chances i'm being given, i'm finally understanding and sinking the fact that I MUST STUDY in my thick head liao.. Although there's no exams yet, but i'm also feeling very bad not doing work for a day.. which is of course something good, provided if i do something about it. :P hehe.. must jia you! tj-band cannot don't have me! thats why i must really work hard and do well for the dignosis test.. only like this i can remain in tj and may have that minute minute chance that i'm able to help out in syf.. OH yesh, i think i'm really interested in physio theraphy le.. WAhahahAH.. this big test forced me to make a decision of what course i have to choose if i'm not promoted and made me realise that i love doing things that interact with people and at the same time can help they.. Its really a blessing in disguise.. ;) hehe..

Man, miss my dear darling junior.. duno how she's doing in band alone now.. should be quite jiat lat.. heard from people that she's very bu shuang during band pracs.. always got black face likda.. jia you shimei! i know you can do it, u have the potential.. only that u haven't found the activation key to power.. GAMBATE!

Argh, i'm having some problems listing my events according to order..Sian DiAo again! haha.. half way through the party, bored and loney me went to walk around the swimming pool. suddenly this rocking bench caught my eye and went there to rock on it.. rocking on the bench, it just made me feel terribly relaxed.. At the same time initiated me to think about alot of things.. for instance my life now.. and alot of my love life.. cause my cousin and sis was absolutely irritating me with that question of : "do u haf a gf". Man, i told them no a million times and they just kept asking on and on.. damn crap. anyways, thinking back of what happened.. its quite sad siah.. CrApZ la.. :S

enuff for today liao. cya tml! baoz zhao!.. Wu Gui oso zhao! ;)

day of truth..

2004-10-27T04:25:00.000-07:00

After more than 2 whole weeks of waiting n looking for tutors n hods n talking to friends, finally the day has come for our fate to speak..

I actually told my parents about this parent-principal meeting only yesturday. Unlike normal circumstances, i called my mum asking her to take leave and all she said was:" Is it very serious? Can u carry on studying?" Listening to this 2 simple sentences, i heard another crack in my heart, and also a louder breaking of her heart.. Went home and finished dinner silently. Dad was as usual maintaining his stern face. Mum requestioned me about the PPM immediately once she came back from her walk. I briefly said a few points and the time of the meeting and retreated back to my room. Inside my room, i was feeling very bad about it. Not just doing badly for this promos even though its my second time attempting it, also the fact that my bad habit of procrastination is happening again. My whole life, i don't seem to be communicating properly with my parents. I know how to be respectful towards them and stuff likda, but whenever i've committed a mistake or get into trouble, i'll try my own means of solving so that i can prevent them from knowing the truth. In the end , my parents will somehow get to know of the truth and end up more disappointed. Maybe because of this, i just couldn't get to sleep last night. At 2+am, i decided to write a letter to my parents explaining what really happened during the promos period that caused this catastrophy. Only after writing that letter, i'm felt much better and able to sleep at around 3+.

I went to school this morning with a sleepy and dreadful mind. Saw small girl on the 24bus but didn't really bother about her. Me is more interested in my own sleep. ;) Almost missed my stop man. Unexpectedly, i met horsey at the 229 bus stop. That notti creature was so so so over-obssessed with reading that book of hers that she totally ignored me. :( Makes me wonder sometimes whether books or real life things are more important.. Anyways manage to survive throught all the tutorials including the pe LECTURE that we had by tikor man. I called my parents to come half an hour before the PPM so we can talk abit before entering the room. Immediately after maths, i walked ming xiu to the GO and then chiong to the canteen. Saw lisa @ robert's stall talking to the aunty. Moi asked abit about her situation and understand that she wanted to repeat and that was her outcome. Then saw my dad followed him to where my mum's sitting.

Initially, i was just talking about my choice and what that happened. My mum then went on to say that maybe i shouldn't have came to TJ and would have been more happier in poly.. After sometime, my dad started to talk.

Quote:"If you want to carry on studying in TJ, can u make sure u have the discipline to sit down and study everyday, not getting distracted by many temptations around you. Are you willing to give up everything you have and just concentrate on studying? Some people can lead this kind of lifestyle, but i see you're more of the kind that's the outdoor kind of person. The kind that will do much better in practical things comparing to meticulious studying. Are you confident you can make it even if the principal is kind enough to give you another chance? Are you?"

Man, when i heard what my father said, i just have to stare at him agreeing to what he had just said as it's all but all the truth.. At the corner of my eye, i can see my mum's eyes start to tear.. That feeling of making your parents sad and disappointed is really the worst kind of feelings.. Suddenly ming xiu tapped on my shoulder and told me its my turn. i asked him how was his and he told me he's been given a chance to advance to year2 with a dignosis test in Janurary. Listening to that, i felt some sort happy for him. I stretched out my hand to shook his hand, at the same time i looked into his eyes. His expression and his grip speaks as though as he sincerely hopes that i can make it together with him. We entered the GO to find Mrs Lim talking to Thelma (my councillor).

The first sentence Mrs Lim said was:" Did baowen tell you both this time about his results?" MAN! What a wonderful start to the PPM. Of course i did la, yesturday though.. Anyways, she went through the tutor's comments first. All my tutors had comments about me having a positive attitude towards lesson. However my foundation is very weak and that i have still too many committments towards my music life. After that she started the ball rolling by telling us what she feels of me for instance like i'm a repeat student yet i'm still not making it.. blah blah blah.. Then my father started to tell her that i've became much more disciplined and committed in my studies.. This was totally unexpected as just 5mins ago when we were in the canteen, he was criticising about me being ill-disciplined.. I can't exactly remember when, but my father said something like :" Baowen has to work really hard so that he doesn't fail and hurt those that LOVE him.." MAN! Once i heard him say that, it immediately pricked my heart and made my eyes watery.. Its such a simple sentence yet its so true true.. We carried on talking on and on for quite a long time and at one point of time, i somehow said something lame and it lightened the serious heavy atmosphere. At the end of the meeting, Mrs Lim said that i'm a straightforward person that no one can blame me for my condition now as there is precisely no reason to scold me. The main thing is that i must get down to serious work and DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE..

After that, i went back to class. blah blah blah...(fast forward cause if i mention everything that occured in between i'll never end this post!) At the end of class, ming xiu came to me and asked me how did it go. i told him my situation was exactly the same as his.. Immediately the spark of happiness on his face.. We just so naturally embraced each other and shout in happiness and relief! It seemed so long since i've ever had a hug from anyone.. This is brotherhood! THere beside you whenever you're at your lowest times and there to celebrate with you when the dark times are over..

Life is hopeful.. no one should give up on anyone, especially on themselves.. although you may meet with alot of obsticles in your way, you should never give up. you never know when the place called ENLIGHTENMENT is just a little bit behind the splat..

day3

2004-10-25T22:40:00.000-07:00

man,i'm now in e sch's hub blogging. not exactly in a reali gd mood.. had q alot of fun yest coz of e VAN or LORry or duno wad concert, n i tried my bery bery best to be happy n enjoy my remaining time.. unfortunately e dawnful truth has to come.. n tml is e parents n principal meeting. of which i havent told my parents bout it yet n its juz TML!! my goodness.. for tt i'll be screwed big time, n e hard thing of having to tell e truth to my parents.. sighz.. i know tt they've already knew the truth n they're waiting for me to say..bt e breaking part..sighz.. why is this happening to me? at e end of last year, i tot tt by repeating i'll do damn well dis year n make my parents and myself proud. bt in e end, it doesn't even matter.. it ends up e same as last yr.. FAIL!

i duno, i reali duno.. whenever i face e topic of having to tell ppl wad my decision is.. i juz cant say it.. coz i myself reali duno wad i wan.. begging to stay? DEFINATELY NT@! tts e last ting i would do of course. as a man, even if i haf to leave e college, i would wan to leave it in dignity n not beg my way out lik a dog n not even sure whether i haf e chance of staying.. go poly?? i duno, i'm not sure wad course i want to take.. e courses tt i'm interested in lik physio and occupational therapy all needs a A level cert.. which i dun tink i can ever get anymore.. mass com? at least i'm comforted by e fact tt i'll haf ming xiu together w me.. bt is tt wad i reali wan? i duno.. last of all is NAFA... do i want to choose this music route? i've all along tot of music juz as my interest and hobby.. sth tt i can juz to make more friends n sth tt i can enjoy doin.. bt for a career lik teaching small kids or being a artist or band conductor? once again, i duno..

so many many qns juz seem to over flood my head now.. to add to dis, e haert ache tt i'm feeling deep inside.. sighz.. muz it end likdis for me.. muz everything i do end up either mediocre or failure.. i wan to succed in life! i want to be good in studies, sports, music, family ties and friendship.. bt why is it coz of my studies all my other areas are affected and killed..

tonite is e nite.. i've to tell my parents the truth.. by hook or crook.. muz do it lik a man! A MAN!

day 1

2004-10-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

hello! tis is my first day at dis blog thingy. dun reali noe a thing bout it but will get more pro n pro as e day goes by.. hehe.. yupz. i oso duno y i suddenly wana set up a blog.. maybe see other ppl got blog den can go around n play there so i got jealous n oso want sth tt i can play around w. hehe.. no la.. nonsense de.. actually its more for expressing wad i wana say rite? rite? yupz..

slept until bout 10+ today. in between my beauty slp, was interupted by my mum twice and my teacher once. quite stunned when i realised to hear from my teacher. the first thing he said after hi was " how did u do ah ". man! totally freaked out.. was tinking lik how shld i break e news to my teacher tt i din make it again when its my second time. in addition, he called me before he left for his tibet trip and jiao dai tt i muz make it.. otherwise he'll kill me.. but luckily he onli asked me bout my dip thing. man! tt's another worrying thing.. spent bout close to 1000bucks on it bt i'm absoultely unsure whether i can make it..sighz.. wad a gd start to my wonderful day.

after tt went out w gy lw n lk for lanning at parklane. they're super pro pro pro! damn gd siah.. one is a guy tt won a artic competition or sth likda, another is one tt everyday CHONG games, den e other is one tt plays everything.. lik i go there gif them more frets likda la.. hehe.. anways enjoyed myself q alot then. walked around suntec after tt. bt by then, was super shagged coz of e 2h++ of lanning. walked past a giordano junior shop n got a plastic bag from it. q lame.. dun care! e cow design is super cute so muz get! feel abit lik some ah soh likda.. hehe..

alrite, tink dis is more than enuff for a first entry of my blog.. cya soonz! baoz zhao!